~ Don't squat with your spurs on ~

~Never kick a fresh cow chip on a hot day.~

~ There's two theories to arguin' with a woman.
Neither one works ~

~ Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew.
Your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think ~

~ If you find yourself in a hole the first thing to do is stop diggin' ~

~ If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence,
try orderin' somebody else's dog around ~

~ Never ask a man the size of his spread ~

~ After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring.
He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him.
MORAL: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut ~

~ Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco ~

~ If you're ridin' ahead of the herd,
take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there ~

~ It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep ~

~ When you're throwin' your weight around,
be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else ~

~ Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut ~

~ Good judgment comes from experience,
and a lot of that comes from bad judgment ~

~ Always drink upstream from the herd ~

~ The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over
and put it back in your pocket ~

~ Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance. ~

~ When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person,
don't be surprised if they learn their lesson ~

~ Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back ~

~ Always take a good look at what you're about to eat.
It's not so important to know what it is,
but it's critical to know what it was ~

~ Never miss a good chance to shut up. ~